At least make sure they are 18
Why
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
