Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
