There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
