First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
