after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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