I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
