She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
