just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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