She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
