The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
