Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
