Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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