I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
