kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
