your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
