I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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