It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
