i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
