I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So many bounce houses so little time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
