so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my poor anus
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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