I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
