Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
