We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
