god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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