Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
