I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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