i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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