we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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