Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
