Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
