could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
