He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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