well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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