He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
