The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just forgot I was standing up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
