just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
