New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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