Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
