first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
