Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
