she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
