So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
