On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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