nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i love accidental penises.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
