addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
