I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
