Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
