People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
