I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
