This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
