You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
