i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
