Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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