Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize