A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
