He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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