I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
