Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
