Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
