I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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