everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
