"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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