update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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