so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
do nipples grow back?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
