It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is an emotional support booty call
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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