oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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