It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
