rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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