you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This baby is an asshole
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
