matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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