so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I believe in your delicious
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize