Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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