I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
