wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize