is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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