Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
