i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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