i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
