Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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