the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
