His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
