why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
